The Difficulties of Excitement

One thing that I've noticed in the past couple of weeks is that I've been really energized around work. I've been very excited about the new products the company is working on, as well as all the cool people that have lined up to work for us, both part-time and full-time. The start up life can be a grind sometimes, but it can also be quite energizing.

However, there's a subtle "stress" that seems to lie behind the feeling of energy that comes up from work (or life) related stuff. It's often expressed as this feeling like I have many choices to make, or many things to do. My mind remains very active, even when I'm trying to rest and do other things. I can't stay focused for very long. It's hard to explain, but even though on the surface it's quite fun and exciting, underneath, there is an unease when things go well.

I think that runs counter to our usual assessment of things. Typically, when things are boring or difficult, we think of those as bad times. When things are engaging and fast-paced, we think of those as good times. We push away the former, and always seek the latter. But what I've noticed, is that even the "good" times often feel fragile and anxious -- there's a need to constantly be taking action, and I can't say that I feel deeply happy or at peace.

It sort of reminds me of the excitement of thinking about a girl who potentially likes me (especially those times back in high school). On the surface, it's this happy thing, but underneath there are these nagging doubts and nervous energy that tend to make you pretty unstable. I think it's the same way here -- I'm excited about our success at work, and it's hard to stay neutral about things.

Not sure what the answer is here, but I do think it's nice to calm down.