A Flexible Mind

Being happy when we're busy is harder than it seems. As goal-driven people, we have to adopt certain mindsets when we really want to get things done -- focus, ignore distractions, work over play. When we're really effective at it, we're rewarded by career success, personal satisfaction, and so on. But the problem is that life isn't all work. There are plenty of moments in between. And a busy, hardworking mindset isn't very well-adapted to life as a whole. I found that out the hard way.

I'm a fairly driven person, and I can really focus when I want to. It's generally quite helpful for getting work done. However, earlier in my career, I applied that way of thinking to my whole life. Everything goal-driven and all about maximization. I was great at getting stuff done. But it was also harmful. It was hard for me to relate to people, because in the back of my mind, I was always thinking about what I was going to do next for work. Something was always churning in the back of my mind, and I had a hard time really deeply paying attention to people, or caring for their needs. I viewed anything that got in my way (including other people's needs) as a distraction.

But why does this happen? The human mind is actually quite simple. One of the key principles it operates on is something I call "momentum": anything you do for a while tends to keep popping up, long after the initial event has passed. Thoughts don't just come out of nowhere -- there's always a trigger, whether it's external (like a picture or a sound), or internal (like an emotion or feeling that triggers a memory).

In my case, it was all about work-related momentum. Thoughts that I dwelled so hard on while working tended to continue popping up, long after I finished. I found it hard not to be working, since it was always on my mind.

For a while, I swung to the complete opposite side. I jumped headfirst into meditation, and set myself up with a mindset of complete "letting go." It's extremely helpful for being happy, to simply tell myself that I own nothing; that nothing (gain, praise, money, etc) will accumulate to my name. I'm quite detached from any sort of material gains. It's actually quite freeing.

But for those who find that rather distasteful, I do think you can have the best of both worlds -- achieve well, but be happy while you're doing it. (I'm trying to sit on the fence here now with my job as PM at Lark, and part-time meditator). Really, it's all about developing a flexible mind. Just as a flexible body is adapted to many situations -- if you're flexible, you can bend into all sorts of shapes. In the same way, we can be effective at work by being focused and driven, but then learn to turn our minds "off" and into a more relaxed state when it's appropriate. It's a tough skill (to not get swayed by momentum), but when you learn it, you can be truly free of any one mindset.

As usual, my prescription is meditation, since I know it well, and I know it works. But any sort of mental flexibility exercise should help. The point is that we shouldn't try to use the same tool for every task -- sometimes we need a hammer, sometimes a screwdriver. Sometimes life calls for a quick-moving, decisive mind. Other times, it requires one that is open and welcoming to all.

Can you switch effortlessly between the two? (I'm not sure it's "effortless" for me, but it's getting easier...)