The Difficulties of Excitement

One thing that I've noticed in the past couple of weeks is that I've been really energized around work. I've been very excited about the new products the company is working on, as well as all the cool people that have lined up to work for us, both part-time and full-time. The start up life can be a grind sometimes, but it can also be quite energizing.

However, there's a subtle "stress" that seems to lie behind the feeling of energy that comes up from work (or life) related stuff. It's often expressed as this feeling like I have many choices to make, or many things to do. My mind remains very active, even when I'm trying to rest and do other things. I can't stay focused for very long. It's hard to explain, but even though on the surface it's quite fun and exciting, underneath, there is an unease when things go well.

I think that runs counter to our usual assessment of things. Typically, when things are boring or difficult, we think of those as bad times. When things are engaging and fast-paced, we think of those as good times. We push away the former, and always seek the latter. But what I've noticed, is that even the "good" times often feel fragile and anxious -- there's a need to constantly be taking action, and I can't say that I feel deeply happy or at peace.

It sort of reminds me of the excitement of thinking about a girl who potentially likes me (especially those times back in high school). On the surface, it's this happy thing, but underneath there are these nagging doubts and nervous energy that tend to make you pretty unstable. I think it's the same way here -- I'm excited about our success at work, and it's hard to stay neutral about things.

Not sure what the answer is here, but I do think it's nice to calm down.

A Flexible Mind

Being happy when we're busy is harder than it seems. As goal-driven people, we have to adopt certain mindsets when we really want to get things done -- focus, ignore distractions, work over play. When we're really effective at it, we're rewarded by career success, personal satisfaction, and so on. But the problem is that life isn't all work. There are plenty of moments in between. And a busy, hardworking mindset isn't very well-adapted to life as a whole. I found that out the hard way.

I'm a fairly driven person, and I can really focus when I want to. It's generally quite helpful for getting work done. However, earlier in my career, I applied that way of thinking to my whole life. Everything goal-driven and all about maximization. I was great at getting stuff done. But it was also harmful. It was hard for me to relate to people, because in the back of my mind, I was always thinking about what I was going to do next for work. Something was always churning in the back of my mind, and I had a hard time really deeply paying attention to people, or caring for their needs. I viewed anything that got in my way (including other people's needs) as a distraction.

But why does this happen? The human mind is actually quite simple. One of the key principles it operates on is something I call "momentum": anything you do for a while tends to keep popping up, long after the initial event has passed. Thoughts don't just come out of nowhere -- there's always a trigger, whether it's external (like a picture or a sound), or internal (like an emotion or feeling that triggers a memory).

In my case, it was all about work-related momentum. Thoughts that I dwelled so hard on while working tended to continue popping up, long after I finished. I found it hard not to be working, since it was always on my mind.

For a while, I swung to the complete opposite side. I jumped headfirst into meditation, and set myself up with a mindset of complete "letting go." It's extremely helpful for being happy, to simply tell myself that I own nothing; that nothing (gain, praise, money, etc) will accumulate to my name. I'm quite detached from any sort of material gains. It's actually quite freeing.

But for those who find that rather distasteful, I do think you can have the best of both worlds -- achieve well, but be happy while you're doing it. (I'm trying to sit on the fence here now with my job as PM at Lark, and part-time meditator). Really, it's all about developing a flexible mind. Just as a flexible body is adapted to many situations -- if you're flexible, you can bend into all sorts of shapes. In the same way, we can be effective at work by being focused and driven, but then learn to turn our minds "off" and into a more relaxed state when it's appropriate. It's a tough skill (to not get swayed by momentum), but when you learn it, you can be truly free of any one mindset.

As usual, my prescription is meditation, since I know it well, and I know it works. But any sort of mental flexibility exercise should help. The point is that we shouldn't try to use the same tool for every task -- sometimes we need a hammer, sometimes a screwdriver. Sometimes life calls for a quick-moving, decisive mind. Other times, it requires one that is open and welcoming to all.

Can you switch effortlessly between the two? (I'm not sure it's "effortless" for me, but it's getting easier...)

Two paths

There are two paths to finding happiness: the pursuit of that which we assume will make us happy, and the pursuit of happiness in its own right.

Examples of the former include chasing a dream job, starting a company to make it big, buying lottery tickets, searching for a beautiful wife/husband, engrossing oneself in hobbies, and living for the weekends. Both the path and the result can produce happiness. But the pursuit is rather indirect. In all cases, the pursuit is chosen because we believe it will result in great happiness (for ourselves and for others) when a particular milestone is reached, or an experience is felt.

In the latter, happiness is pursued directly. Its causes and conditions are studied, and it is approached with the explicit goal of increasing happiness for ourselves and others. We learn what livelihoods and mindsets lead to more happiness, and which do not. There is no proxy that must be achieved before happiness is experienced; happiness itself is the goal.

Which do you think is more effective?

The Business of Happiness

After realizing that most of my posts in my other blog (mindfulprogress.blogspot.com) are a bit too serious for the casual reader, I thought I'd write a bit more on work-related happiness. I think it's a challenge that we all face -- trying to find happiness and peace in the midst of stressful work situations. And even for those lucky few who experience very little stress at work, a sense of completeness and fulfillment is often hard to find.

So, with a mix of stories from the wild west of tech entrepreneurship and the calm of a quieted mind, I begin this blog. May we all be happy, always.